“Did you ever have a boyfriend who treated you badly, and you wondered, ‘Where did he learn to treat women that way? Maybe from his dad?’ Well, if his dad was named Carl Senior, then yes.”
– Sarah Haskins
Target Women: Carl’s Jr.
This Thursday on ABC, 8:30/7:30c, watch Samantha Who?, episode: “THE DOG,” because I wrote it, which means it’s the only time my name’s in the credits at the front of the episode — the only time my family feels confident in telling people I write on the show. (“Well, otherwise your name goes so fast at the end, and they don’t see it, and I look like a liar!”)
And now you can point at my name and shout, “That’s my friend!” Or some of you will go, “I used to know this girl!” And maybe some of you will be all, “Man, I really should call her instead of just reading about her. I miss her.” And then some of you will be like, “I know this girl! Well, I mean, I kind of know her. I read her journal. Blog. I used to read it when it was a journal, and it was way funnier back then, and she talked about her life and stuff, but now she kind of doesn’t really do that, I guess because she’s too good for blogging or whatever, and if I’m being honest, I’m just not into blogs like I used to be, once I got the promotion and the baby was born, it’s just like–” and then the other person on the couch will say, “Are you done? Because now I have to rewind and watch this entire scene again so I can find out what happened.”
I remember I was writing various drafts of the outline for this episode through September of last year, in like, seriously a variety of cities and forms of transportation, including I think maybe even at one point on a boat. Then finished the first draft of the script the same afternoon I had company from all over the country arriving for the Baby Doll Brawl, which was that weekend (I just saw that picture of me taking a picture of my bruises and even I winced. No wonder people kept trying to talk me out of it back then. These days I don’t look nearly that beat-up, I promise. I don’t fall nearly as much as I used to.) Obama got elected during the bajillion rewrites. We shot it in… December, I think? I don’t remember; by then I was kind of melting down. It feels like I worked on this episode for about four months straight a million years ago, and now here it finally is. Like a weird little time capsule packed with memories.
Watch it, buy it, stream it… whatever makes you happy. And thanks. I never forget that I wouldn’t have this job if it weren’t for this site right here, back when blogs were journals, when I got lucky enough to find you.
I think I found a present for you.
N.A.S.A. — “Gifted (feat. Kanye West, Santogold & Lykke Li)”
Attention People Who Aren’t Afraid of Birds and Who Love Los Angeles (And I Think This Might Be Too Scary If You’re High)
N.A.S.A. — “Way Down (feat. RZA, Barbie Hatch & John Frusciante)”
And not a present, not a present, oh, God, I wish I hadn’t watched this video all alone late at night:
N.A.S.A. — “The People Tree (feat. David Byrne, Chali 2na, Gift of Gab & Z-Trip)” AND RAPPING TREES AND SINGING CHILDREN AND DANCING BEARS AND BLOOD AND CORPSES RECEIVING PLEASURE AND NO SLEEPING FOR PAMIE EVER AGAIN SO THANKS, DAVID BYRNE.
[Maybe buy the album, Spirit of Apollo, so you won't have to watch the scary videos.]
Someone said to me recently, “If I were in your situation right now, where I was totally unemployed? I would spend my entire morning in my robe, drinking coffee and reading, until it was time to sit outside in the sun, drinking champagne and reading. Perhaps still in my robe. That’s what I’d do every day.”
I can’t do that every day, because I’m pretty sure I’d like it enough to do it every day for the rest of my life. But: I’m giving to give that a try for today. Me being me though, I have to nerd it up a little. Coffee is brewing while I stream last night’s Samantha Who?. I will add watching The Office and 30 Rock to that time between robe-wearing (I don’t have a robe, so I’m going to stay in what I wore to bed) and champagne-sipping. And I know at one point I’m going to end up watching my last Netflix that’s here, because it’s Helvetica, and I’m the only geek on this planet yet to see it. What I’m saying is: about to have a wonderful Friday, wish you were here.
Have a good weekend, everybody. Hope you didn’t get fired for watching yesterday’s video. But if you did, at least now you know how to enjoy the free time. Wait… oh, man. Did I just put myself on a “Stay-cation”?!
So, the other night Cat invited me out to a party and…well, this happened. We weren’t planning on making a video, and it is progressively extremely NOT SAFE FOR WORK or CHILDREN or DELICATE EARS or the lady-swoony prone, like Glark. (Thanks again, Glark. And sorry. If it’s any consolation, the part where I start singing Weezer is because I was getting increasingly uncomfortable myself.)
Anyway, we had this camera and… well, we hope you enjoy the… intensity.
I already mentioned Samantha Who? is back on the air tomorrow night on ABC at 8:30/7:30c. But it turns out we’re up against the NCAA playoffs and the American Idol results show, so you know, we’re totally gonna win the time slot.
…Which is where you come in. Remember that strike we went on, where there was some question as to whether or not people watch television online? Well, apparently now the Powers That Be know that you do. (I don’t know if they know we know they know.) So since they already know we probably aren’t going to get good numbers that day, they will be monitoring our Internet downloads for the next day. That means we have two days to prove that people watch Samantha Who?; especially you tech-savvy, writer-supporting, Internet-streaming, iPod-slinging, beloved demo-sporting, lovely fans of pamie.com. The network is tracking full-episode streams from ABC.com, (Updated post-cancellation to say: How ’bout Hulu?) and will report them to Neilsen. [Update edit: Then. Now: residuals. In theory. Because of this strike.] That means every computer that watches a full episode helps our ratings, and you get to be a Neilsen family without having your privacy invaded. So, you know, maybe you can watch it on Friday, or load it up on every computer at your office when you all go to your hated Friday meeting.
Did you know it’s World Water Week? The Tap Project supports UNICEF water, sanitation and hygiene programs. Donations raised during last year’s Tap Project funded lifesaving programs in Cote D’Ivoire, Nicaragua, Iraq, Belize and similar water and sanitation projects around the globe. Donations raised this year will fund projects in Haiti, Togo, the Central African Republic, Sudan and a variety of programs throughout the world. For every dollar raised, a child will have 40 days of clean drinking water. Here’s how you can help.
Lastly, here’s the latest Derby Dolls promo, letting you know exactly why this weekend’s bout is going to rule. If you’re planning on coming, buy your tickets online now, because we should be sold out by the week’s end. (Good luck, RAGE! Witch-Slap forever!)
Look, it’s Choppy! Hi, Choppy. Thanks for kicking my ass last week, and for not giving me shit when I came to practice having forgotten my skates.