james lipton love

pamie and stee give will ferrell more fodder
23 February 2001

Where's Scarborough? Where do your family's roots lie?

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Uncontrollable laughter]

Is it true or not that you are descended from Wordsworth?

How so? Are you really? How'd you find out? Did you find yourself sometimes wandering lonely as a cloud?

(I imagine we should know what this is and it's probably a reference to some Wordsworth poem, but really, it's much more funny if we just assume Lipton has gone totally insane.)

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

It's a great distinction.

(Yes, between fawning and ass-kissing.)

Are you a British citizen? Do you really? They, they are?

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

So, when you were growing up you heard Lillipudian spoken in the house.

What was your father's name?

And what was his profession?

That is so neat.

(He said "neat." Hee. I wonder how many of the students furiously taking notes wrote down "neat," making a mental note that if Lipton uses "neat" that they will damn well find a way to work "neat" it into their next Object Exercise or their next movement class while they're pretending to be a hat.)

And did you have siblings?

And how did you get along with your siblings?

Yes? Oh, were you?

You? Oh.

(No, you James. Always you.)

[Laughs]

They're great practical jokers, those kids.

(Like when they pretend to respect you or, like, know who you are aside from a funny Will Ferrell skit.)

[Laughs]

Were your brothers funny?

Funnier than you, by any chance?

No!

Really?

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

What was the Pig and Whistle?

(It sounds like a pub. Something, I'm sure, judging from the color of his odd and scary skin, that Lipton is familiar with.)

Yeah!

[Laughs]

Oh, God, can you stand up!

(I'm not going to say what this is in reference to. It's much better if you imagine something dirty. Or imagine that Lipton bent to literally kiss Mike Meyers' ass because words just weren't enough and upended his coffee [read: Seven and 7,] slipped on the liquid, and knocked Meyers on his ass.)

Oh, yeah, sure!

[Laughs]

What'd you study?

They know that I never let that go by. Can you still tap?

Right there on the wood.

(Again, much better if you imagine something really dirty here.)

[Kisses Mike's hand]

(He kisses Mike Meyers' hand about fifty times in this episode. It's oddly touching.)

[Laughs]

Woo. Sometimes life is just good.

(God, I want that sound clip for my computer whenever I empty the recycling bin. Incidentally, this is where the show had to be paused and the two recappers had to be administered oxygen after laughing so hard they passed out.)

I've read that your father encouraged laughter. In fact, he discouraged anything but laughter.

("In fact, he did not not not discourage not laughing, did he not?")

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

One of the mysterious by-products of the Second World War was the sudden flourishing of British humor. Did your father expose you to that, to that, flourishing?

Ah.

Oh. Um. Benny Hill. He's my idol. He's wonderful.

(No he's not. Liar. This is like watching the nerdy kid in school being stuck in detention with the cool kid and trying desperately to say all the right things so that the cool kid will like him, and not actually having any clue who Iron Maiden, the Forty-Niners, and Chasey Lane are.)

You've described your father as inventing himself.

How? That's good!

You've said about him, "He taught me to have no inhibitions and that has allowed me to be the architect of my own embarrassment."

I'm liking your father more every minute.

Did your mother have a profession?

That's distinguished providences. What was her name?

(That's garbled English. What are you saying?)

[Laughs] Some silliness there, too!

(It's great watching the most intentionally anti-silly man in the universe praise silliness. It's really very silly.)

[Laughs]

(Here's where they put this random close-up on the guy in the audience, and it looks like one of those close-ups they do on Letterman. We think it actually might be stolen from a Letterman episode.)

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

When did it first occur to you that acting was what you wanted to do?

How so?

No, it's not.

Did your, did your -- not at all.

(Guess not.)

Did your mother actively promote your career?

Was she really?

Really?

Really?

Really!

("No. Not at all. I was just kidding to see how many times you'd say 'really.'")

How old were you when you first appeared on television?

Were you impressed with her?

("Are you impressed with me? Even a little bit?")

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

Didn't you make a vow that one day you would work with her cause you saw her on television?

What did you see her on?

You heard it here.

What was Range Rider and the Calgary Kid?

We'd like to hear about it.

[Laughs]

Pig and Whistle. Tap dance. Ah.

(Those were exactly my senile great-grandfather's dying words to me.)