Billboard Top Hits: 1980-1984

Dan’s car. 10pm. Three hours from Vegas…


[song: “Working My Way Back To You/Forgive Me, Girl“]

[scripty]
Dan
This guy is really working his way back.

Pam
He’s kind of stalking her.

Dan
“I know you changed your address, but that will just make me work harder.”

Pam
“I’ll stab you over and over and over and over again!”

Dan
That’s what I’m saying.
[/scripty]

[song: “Upside Down“]

[scripty]
Dan
You’ve gotta give Diana Ross props for the syllable count in this one.

Pam
I know, right? “Instinctively” and “respectfully.”

Dan
She loves an adverb.

Pam
“Consequentially!”

Dan
“Onomatopaeically!”

Pam
“Irrevocably!”

Diana Ross
“I say to thee!”

Pam and Dan
“Thee.” Ha!

Dan
Nobody uses a good “thee” anymore.

Pam
They sure don’t.
[/scripty]

[song: “Bette Davis Eyes“]

[scripty]
Pam
I sang the crap out of this song at Karaoke one night in Austin.

Dan
Really?

Pam
No, wait. I sang “Gloria.” Some other girl rocked the crap out of this song right before me.

Dan

Pam
Shut up. I corrected myself.

Dan
I didn’t say anything!

Pam
I heard you, anyway.

Kim Carnes
“She’s precocious!

Dan
Speaking of big words.

Pam
“She’s advantageous!

Dan
“She’s ambidextrous!

Pam
“She’s tenacious!

Dan
I like that one. This is why we don’t know the words to this song. How were we supposed to understand it? We were five.

Pam
Exactly.
[/scripty]

[song: “Jessie’s Girl“]

[scripty]
Dan
Now here’s a song that doesn’t get fancy with the lyrics.

Pam
Wait! “Moot.”

Dan
“Moot!” That’s right. Damn you, Rick Springfield.
[/scripty]

[song: “The One That You Love“]
[scripty]
Dan
I know you might disagree, but this is the best Air Supply song out there.

Pam
I disagree. “Making Love Out of Nothing At All”?

Dan
For the purposes of right now, please agree, even though I secretly–

Pam
“Secretly, I say to thee–”

Dan
I “secretly” agree with you. See, there’s nobody as earnest as Air Supply. And there are so many levels. “I don’t know what to SAAAAAAAY!” He’s screaming about his love! Screaming!

Pam
He learned that from Queen.

Dan
Yes. But still. Nobody loves Air Supply more than Air Supply. Big drums! Ba-da-dum-da!

Pam and Dan
“HERE I AM! THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE! ASKING FOR ANOTHER DAY!”

Pam
We won’t have voices by the time we get to Vegas.

Dan
Vegas? We’re gonna keep driving until we hit Salt Lake City.

Pam
So we can get married?

Dan
Kinda.
[/scripty]

[song: “Rosanna“]

[scripty]
Pam
This isn’t the best Toto song.

Dan
Yes, it is.

Pam
Um, “Pamela”?

Dan
Whatever. You know it’s this one.

Pam
I do. Screw “Africa.” Lyrically–

Dan
Hey, you sing that word like Diana Ross or you don’t say it at all.

Pam
“Lyrically I say to thee!”

Dan
That’s more like it.
[/scripty]

[song: “Stray Cat Strut“]

[scripty]
Pam
I don’t think I know a word of this song.

Dan
That’s okay. Here’s where I take over. But you have to imagine me six years old and singing on a table as my brother and my mom accompany me with instruments, because that’s what happened every night.

Pam
Oh, my God. That’s my favorite image. Keep singing; I’m gonna close my eyes.

Dan
I know.

Pam
If only there was videotape.

Dan
Nope. But hundreds of audiotapes.

Pam
Keep driving to New York. I must hear them right now.
[/scripty]

[song: “Total Eclipse of the Heart“]

[scripty]
Dan
Take it, pamie.

Pam
They’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks. How can this not be the best song of all time?

Dan
Just sing.
[/scripty]

[song: “Making Love Out of Nothing at All“]

[scripty]
Dan
You’re right. This is better.

Pam
Wow. When you hear it right after “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” you realize they’re the same song.

Dan
Nothing wrong with that.

Pam
It’s a little suspicious.

Dan
What’s that, Kim Carnes?

Pam
“It’s suspicious!

Dan
Yes.
[/scripty]

[song: “Caribbean Queen”]

[scripty]
Pam and Dan
Skip it!
[/scripty]

[song: “Let’s Hear It For the Boy“]

[scripty]
Dan
This guy.

Pam
He’s not very good. He looks like hell, he can’t sing, he doesn’t have any money.

Dan
He might not even have a job. What does he do?

Pam
He’s apparently amazing in bed.

Dan
What?

Pam
“What he does he does so well, makes me want to yell”?

Dan
Well.

Pam
“Every time he pulls me near, I just wanna cheer.”

Dan
I guess. But he’s no Romeo.

Pam
Dan. He’s a loving one-man show.

Dan
I remain unimpressed. With the boy.
[/scripty]

[song: “Hold Me Now“]

[scripty]
Dan
You have to sing this song so Britishly.

Pam
“You sing to me, so Britishly!”

Dan
That’s what I’m saying to thee.

Pam
Hey, Dan? We’re in Vegas.

Dan
We certainly are.

Pam
Next time, Salt Lake City.

Dan
You know it.

Pam
Respectfully.

Dan
I’ll marry thee.
[/scripty]